Actually, not really, but the Spam I’ve been receiving lately at Epochalips might suggest otherwise. Epochalips is kicking ass out there, none-the-less. We’ve grown by leaps and bounds in the past 2 months, since we launched at SF Pride in June. Thanks for all your support and stay tuned for our LAUNCH PARTY in a few months!

I’ve been known to go on a bit about my recent losses: the ending of my long term relationship, kids growing up, friends dying, career sidelined, loss of youth…I worry I’m beginning to sound like a character out of Oprah’s book club.

But things have started looking up. Besides launching Epochalips, I’ve gotten settled in my beautiful new home, spent quality time with my sons and tried to wring every possible enjoyment out of the warmth and sunshine. I spent time surfing, wakeboarding, and hiking, and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants — many times.

Learning to be on one’s own for the first time in 27 years isn’t easy, but I seem to be getting the hang of it. Occasionally however, while sleeping alone in my bed, I will become dimly aware of THE GREAT SADNESS slipping into my consciousness. This creepy early morning visit has been going on periodically for some time now, ever since life as I knew it so dramatically changed.  I used to panic, and tell it to Get The Fuck Out! But that didn’t go well, and I found myself wide-awake at 4:00 a.m.

Recently, I’ve changed my strategy. Now I say to myself “oh hi, it’s you again…” turn over and go back to sleep. I guess it’s about accepting the good and the bad. Major life changes seem to get harder with age. Staying light on my feet is something I have to work on every day. I have no idea what to expect, but I have enough faith to expect the unexpected. Life has always been wildly unpredictable, so why not now?

If I’m feeling low self-esteem, then its time to get busy doing esteemable acts.  I’ve been volunteering in the high schools to speak about coming out as a lesbian to help bust down stereotypes. It’s scary as hell but I figured out if I get out of my own head long enough, I will feel good about myself again.

Suddenly for the first time in many years, everything feels fresh and new, and I am awake and present like never before. I’m along for the ride wherever it takes me, and I’ll show up to acknowledge the joy and sadness as it comes. Trying to kick the process in the ass is ridiculous, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m working towards a day when I will be able to tell THE GREAT SADNESS “Come on in, sit down. Now, what how can I give you what you need?”  I’ll keep you posted on that but don’t hold your breath.

I’ve learned a few things stumbling along this Summer: Starting Epochalips was a REALLY good idea; helping others helps me, and a little Advil goes a long way.

Marga Gomez interviews Robin Lowey about Epochalips