I realize my world and opinions are that of a lesbian genderqueer. However, as a female born genderqueer, I often forget that genderqueer is not only a female identified phenomenon. While I do not personally know any biologically born males that classify as genderqueer, I am sure they exist. To me, genderqueer represents someone that lives outside of any gender binaries, or lives within all of them simultaneously. There is no reason to think that some biologically sex assigned males wouldn’t find themselves fitting that description. However, I cannot remember running into many stories regarding males that identify as genderqueer.
When I think of genderqueer women, I get a picture in my head of someone whose fluidity allows them to navigate the entire gender spectrum. At least that is how it is for me. I assume most genderqueers have some of the same stumbling blocks I do when it comes to selecting clothes that represent who they are. My struggles with clothing find me shopping in both gender departments, and mix and matching the items. It never truly fits who I am, but a combination is the best representation of me. I began to wonder if male genderqueers do exist, and what struggles they face in regard to clothing.
Females have blurred gender lines when dressing, regardless of sexual orientation or label, for a very long time. It is socially acceptable for women to wear pants and T-shirts. Only when you couple that look with other masculine accessories or grooming do people even take note. Men do not have that option. Men cannot wear heels, carry a purse, or don a mini skirt without immediately being judged and chastised in public. Those that feel the desire to wear them, usually do not do so in public unless they are attempting to pass or during transition.
Given the obvious injustice when it comes to clothing choices of men and women, it makes me wonder how many genderqueer men do not know they may be genderqueer. Society makes it very difficult for anyone outside the norm to find out who they are safely and naturally. Being able to express myself in masculine clothing when I feel the need enables me to find comfort within myself in the real world. If men do not have that option, they may be prematurely classifying themselves as something they might not be. A man may think that if they had a desire to wear a dress, they must be a cross dresser, transvestite or might consider transitioning to a woman. If I wanted to wear men’s jeans, I would think that I had a masculine side to me and am attracted to that look. I would not immediately think I needed to make life altering changes to be able to wear those pants.
Like me, there are plenty of other genderqueer people out there. Like me, many took a long time to figure out what that was. Like me, there are women challenging the gender binary constraints and accepting their fluidity, both personally and publically. Like me, there are others struggling. Somewhere, there must be biologically classified men struggling with understanding their genderqueer status. Somehow they need to know that an attraction to female identified things and actions don’t necessarily mean you aren’t male, shouldn’t be or can’t be both. Somehow males need to know that genderqueer isn’t just a female thing. They deserve the right to the information to ensure the choices they make are not made out of ignorance and lack of information. Genderqueers are not male or female, they are both and none. Biological gender assignment shouldn’t leave half of the genderqueers at a disadvantage.
Echo resides in northern New Jersey with her wife and the two youngest of their five children. You can visit her blog at dysphoricallyspeaking.blogspot.com
I see this was posted a little while ago but I just wanted to say thank you, being a genderqueer Male assigned at birth is quite hard.
Thank you for reading Christoph.
Best wishes!
EB
Yeah they exist. I’m one. Its taken me a very long time to be comfortable with being male and genderqueer. I wear women’s clothing when I can. I have color on my toenails. I just do what I want to be pretty. I don’t know if I will eventually transition to female, but it can be very annoying that most women have serious cognitive dissonance when they talk to me and cannot categorize me.
Wonderful to hear from you, Mark – thanks for sharing with us.
So weird to find myself reaching out on a random blog, but there are literally zero other genderqueer male-assigned-at-birth folks in my community. So little, that it often makes my identity completely erased by even the most “open-minded feminists.” There are so many folks who have no problem using “they/their/them” pronouns for the genderqueer FAAABs in the community yet still continue to mispronoun me constantly. It’s as if there has become a set “look” for genderqueer folks which people can recognize and be comfortable with: young, white, thin, middle-class, “boyish” FAAB, yet all other folks are completely looked over. If any other genderqueer MAAB folks want to talk, you can email me at: genqueerDA[at]gmail[dot]com
Thanks for reaching out Sean! I hope others find their way to you. I know you are not the only one. I agree that genderqueer seems to have taken on a stereotype just like everything else. Once again, a label has been whittled down to fit a majority and anyone outside those confines doesn’t fit. I feel your frustration. Feel free to keep in touch!
I’m male and generaqueer I wear female clothing and makeup too its hard being rare
I identify as genderqueer male, but don’t mind whatever people want to call me… I’ve been called maam, sir, dude, queer, he/she/them, whatever, as long as it’s not meant to be derogatory.
I feel most comfortable with queer/lesbian women, and would like to identify as one. I usually dress and groom to look like a soft butch or edgy femme. I wear just enough makeup to soften my features, wear slim/skinny jeans and tight or women’s shirts. I have also started to tuck to conceal my male parts and appear more androgynous.
While I am mistaken for gay most of the time, it’s really my gender that’s more fluid than my sexuality. I think that is one of the biggest issues with being a genderqueer male, is that people automatically make assumptions about your sexuality… I am sexually queer, but mostly attracted to women, so assuming I am gay is incorrect.
Thank you for this post. For many years I have identified as a gay man but am starting to realize that I am less comfortable with this term and more comfortable with queer or gender-queer. I don’t think I am Trans in the way that I want to transition. I don’t want people to see me as a woman, but I don’t want them to see me as a man either. I want them to see me as ME. Something in-between both man and women, masculine and feminine.
I want to thank you for your acknowledgement that this is a hard place to be for a biological male. For the gay males that I know that are feminine we face a lot of bias within our own community as well as concerns about safety because of being perceived as being so feminine. Its not an easy road! Thanks for taking the time to think that through and acknowledge it here.