In my 61 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@lesbiangcemag.com.

Dear Battle Axe,

I have been going to the Hot Flash dance parties  for the mature, seasoned woman—I’m 65. More than once,  young, beautiful women in their 30’s have flirted with me. They say I’m stunningly handsome! What do you think I should do? It has taken me by surprise that I can still turn heads.

Dear Still Turning Heads,

Was it dark in there? Did they have a lot to drink? Maybe they were having a hot flash? OR maybe you still got it. If you were handsome and stunning in your youth, why wouldn’t you be in your seasoned years? I say enjoy it while you can.

Dear Battle Axe,

I was at my sisters house and on her counter was a product called Petromalt, do you know what that is? It’s a hairball remedy for cats. Apparently cats get hairballs because they are always licking themselves with a rough tongue. It got me wondering—could I get a hairball from going down on my girlfriend too much? Terrified of hairballs.

Dear Terrified,
Do you have a rough tongue?

Dear Battle Axe,
I think I have found my soul mate. She is everything I would want in a partner— smart, beautiful and she loves to do the things I like. We have a lot in common but there are a few issues I’m worried about. She is allergic to wind, cotton and avocados. Do you  think this could be a problem?

Dear YES you have a problem,
Do you want to live in a bubble? Can you live without guacamole? Soul mate, schmol mate, keep on looking.