A mulligan—not to be confused with a mullet—most simply put, is a “do-over,” if you hit a bad shot in the sport of golf.
Mulligans were popping up everywhere at the “Lina Shore Golf Classic†charity event that ran concurrently with the famous lesbian-filled Dinah Shore weekend extravaganza and the Kraft Nabisco professional woman’s golf tournament. This year’s “Lina” beneficiary was the much deserving National Center for Lesbian Rights. Epochalips was there, sponsoring the 9th hole at the tournament and volunteering at the various NCLR fundraising events.
I met the Battle Axe aka Eleanor Palacios, and two other volunteers at 5 am and we careened our way down HWY 5 in a rented van. Arriving to withering 102 degree heat, I soon found out that this would be a very hardworking trip with little in the way of downtime. But first, I had to see a real “Dinah†event for myself. OB Tampons is a new sponsor this year…OMG, a whole new crew of customers who aren’t afraid to touch themselves! I grabbed a handful of free samples when I suddenly remembered I haven’t had a period in 2 years—oh well, I could always use a fresh pair of earplugs.
Comedy night with Paula Poundstone and Suzanne Westenhoefer at the Riviera was uproarious. It was packed with tipsy-cute-young lesbians—not a mullet in sight. Flying solo, I squeezed into a great seat in the front sandwiched between some rather ample gals and laughed so hard that they kept looking at me like I was a lunatic. Then I grabbed a quick hug from Meredith Baxter and Nancy Locke before hustling back to my hotel to rest up for the long day ahead.
The sun was just peaking over the mountains at the “Lina” when sporty lesbians started lining up for their NCLR giftbags, filling out raffle tickets for a generously donated Olivia Cruise, and asking about the free mulligans we were offering. One woman kept asking where her mulligan was. A mulligan means you get an extra shot so her question had us stumped. We assured her it was in the giftbag, but watch your fingers, they bite!
After the golfers started to tee off, we jumped in a golf cart cruised the course, dodging lesbians and freewheeling through the putting greens. Kate Clinton showed up at the post tourney lunch, which thrilled the golfers who got trophies not only for winning, but received bobble-head girl golfer dolls for best-dressed team, most/least putts, etc.
I was lucky enough to attend the Kraft Nabisco pro event. Shapely golfers in groovy outfits! Free Kraft Nabisco food items! Overly tan and wrinkled retirees! Lesbians! From my seat in the stands I watched a dykey pro slap the Dinah Shore statue’s ass on her way to the final hole. The guy next to me told his wife that a ‘high five’ might have been more appropriate! Geesh. Pass me the Oreos! A week ago I left home a Dinah Shore virgin, and now my life will never be the same. Hats off to the Caroline Haines and the “Lina” for helping to raise almost $20k for NCLR!
