Recently when I went to an eye doctor for floaters, a common vision problem for older people, an assistant asked me if I had ever thought of cosmetic surgery for my droopy lids.

In a Kiehl’s store I bought some hand cream and the cashier, in his white faux-doctor jacket, tossed too many packets of “youth regenerating skin cream with Rare ‘Resurrection Flower’” into my bag.

At a cocktail party reception before a fund-raising dinner I was emceeing, a gorgeous woman came up to me, told me she was an aesthetician and that she could get rid of “those things” on my face.

I like getting senior discounted movie tickets, but I like to ask for them.

After a matinee of Robert Redford’s film, The Company You Keep, about older radical revolutionaries, I was in a bathroom stall, listening to the usually astute film critiques of the Upper West Side set. “That Redford, he’s been in the sun too much.”  “And Julie Christie? Was that a wattle?”

For sure there is such a thing as gravity.  And it’s true that I spent a number of summers in my youth slathering on baby oil and floating around in aluminum canoes on upstate lakes. I did not know floaters are so common, or someone told me but I forgot.

My Mom used to say, “My face I don’t mind it, because I’m behind it.”   I think I look like Jamie Lee Curtis.  I apply a dab of Activia every morning and evening to my face and neck.

Kate Clinton is a faith-based, tax-paying, America-loving political humorist and family entertainer. With a career spanning almost thirty years, Kate Clinton has worked through economic booms and busts, Disneyfication and Walmartization, gay movements and gay markets, lesbian chic and queer eyes, and eight presidential inaugurals. She still believes that humor gets us through peacetime, wartime, scoundrel time and economic down times. Visit her at www.KateClinton.com.