Lesbian relationship and sex expert Dr. Glenda Corwin answers our questions!

Dear Dr. Corwin: I just met a woman I’m very attracted to and hope to go out with, but I’m nervous about sex. I don’t have much experience, and have the impression she does. Any tips?

Dear Nervous:  The best tip for anything sexual is go slow!  The more time and conversation you have with her, the more you’ll get a sense of how she’d react to your level of experience. My guess is that she wouldn’t be bothered at all (might even like that!), and you could just talk to her about feeling nervous  (most women are).   If for some reason you suspect that she would be critical or disapproving about your performance, take that as a sign to Beware!  Criticism and disapproval aren’t good for anyone’s psyche, especially in the bedroom.

Dear Dr. Corwin:  I’ve been single a couple years. My friends keep telling me I should try online dating. but it scares me.  How do you know if you’re meeting up with someone who’s got big problems, or is going to hurt your feelings later?

Dear Scared:  It’s a good idea to be a little scared, or at least cautious, when you connect with someone online.  You really don’t have any idea who they really are, so there are basic safety guidelines:  arrange to meet for morning  coffee or a quick lunch in a busy place, let a friend know what you’re doing, don’t give out personal information too quickly.  Just focus on a friendly low-key conversation at first and see how you feel afterwards.  And talk to your friends about it afterwards, too.  Sometimes they can see warning signs easier than we can, because they aren’t as emotionally invested.  But don’t let anyone tell you NOT to be a little nervous–it’s a good thing to protect yourself!  At the same time, remember–most women online are just like you, wanting to connect with new people but nervous about it.  So let’s be cautious AND courteous to each other.

Glenda Corwin, Ph.D is a clinical psychologist who specializes in lesbian sexual issues. She is the author of Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guide for Same Sex Couples (Seal Press, 2010). Dr. Corwin writes for the Huffington Post: Gay Voices, Epochalips.com, as well as her own blog on www.DrGlendaCorwin.com. She presents frequently at professional conferences, and is a regular guest on Barb Elgin’s LesbianLoveTalk radio program.

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