So I go to the East Coast Pride Festival in Kent, CT. produced by Anne Lipume. And it was a gorgeous piece of land with a lake and a zip line and basketball and ping-pong and kayaks and fire pits and FOOD!! OMG the chef was amazing.  And unfortunately it rained quite a bit so we ate quite a bit. I mean, I don’t know about you but I don’t usually eat three squares a day.  I mean it’s not like I’m in prison.  They get three squares a day and speaking of prison we were right next to the Litchfield prison. Yes, Orange is the New Black was right in the back forty.  So, anyway back to the food.  We got there on a Friday night just in time for dinner and they served steak and fried chicken and mashed potatoes and salad and vegetables and this de-scrum-dilly-ump-tious banana pudding bread thing with whipped cream.  I had seconds maybe fourths. So after I rolled myself out of the dinner hall, there was Karaoke.  Well, you wouldn’t think much of a lesbian karaoke night but let me tell ya…This one gal got up there and the song was…I can’t remember cause she didn’t sing a lick of it.  She got up there in this fishnet, Spiderwoman, flash dance outfit, with black gloves and Da’aam, she started a striptease that was unbelievable – I mean we are all looking at this happening like it was a joke – come on you never see strip tease dancers in the woodsy type lesbian festivals.  If there is any stripping going on there is usually a bench and a sander involved.  But no, she kept on going, taking off the fishtard, taking off the gloves and down to her skivvies.  Then she was tying herself up and blindfolding herself with her gloves and butt bumping the back wall a bit.  Then she turned around faced the wall and undid her bra. I thought she is not going to take it off and and turn around.  She did!  Yes, and she had pasties on her nipples to cover them. They were light blue stars.  And she started shaking them around a bit and then Tammy leaned in close to my ear and announced those are fake.  I looked and sure enough there was no sag, no bounce, no come hither message to them at all. They were those angry tits that had that“Back off” look to em.  I have to admit I was somewhat titillated by the effort albeit with some disdain.  But the night went on. No harm no foul.  I went up later to attempt Private Dancer by Tina Turner and realized I used to sing this, when I was trashed, and that had to have been 17 years ago.  Ha.  Not happening. So I improvised the lyrics and started singing about the stripper and how good the food and desert was.  I hope others go to the event next year and if your gonna strip bring the wood.  

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In Ohio at Funnybone (www.funnybone.com)

May 2 in Toledo

May 3 in Columbus

May 4 in Dayton