In my 61 years I have learned many things and have some good old fashioned common sense. With that in mind, (being a wise Latina,) I thought I could offer some advice to others and possibly save them some time and trouble and maybe even money.

Dear Battleaxe,

I’ve recently met someone who I think I want to date. Shall I assume our first date will be a sleepover and shall I bring my denture cup?

Wow, first never assume, you know the old adage… Yes, bring the denture cup only if it can be used as a wine glass.

Dear Battleaxe,

My partner is at the point when she might have to start buying Depends. She really feels bad about this, as she is very vital in all other aspects of her life. Any advice you can offer?

Yes, have her buy the French-cut Depends. Might turn you on.

Dear Battleaxe,

My partner has this annoying habit of answering for me if when we are out and friends ask ME a question! How do I possibly get her to stop?

Well, a quick remedy would be to muzzle her. Next time don’t take her. Fly solo; you’ll have more fun!