LESBIAN HUMOR // Browsing posts in LESBIAN HUMOR
Detective Benson’s Vibrating Gavel
I knew it was eventually going to catch up with me. No, not my middle age flab—jury duty. I had successfully evaded my citizen responsibility for 3 decades. I guess my excuses over the years were believable: I didn’t get my allowance this week. My tummy hurts. My panties are itchy. On January 5, 2012, […]
A Battle Axe Valentine
Dear Battleaxe, Valentines Day is coming up, I’m single, and of course feeling the pressure of all this couple bullshit, romantic dinners, you know—all the Hallmark moments. It just makes me miserable, I don’t know what to do. Dear Miserable, Valentines Day is just another day on the calendar, in 24 hours it is over. […]
It’s Half-Wit Time in America!
It’s Half-Time in America! Let’s bring to the field our half-time show! It’s not the Madonna. It’s the Whore and her Marching Taliband led by that aspermative action majorette Rick “the P is silent†Sanctimoron. He’s from Old Dominion. Because of a dwindling supply of white people, the white wing of the Republican Party wants […]
My Etta James Story
When I was just starting out in comedy in the 80’s I was hitchhiking in San Francisco one night, yup – me and Aileen Wournos – the last lesbian hitchhikers on the planet. Â I very luckily got a ride from Lupe De Leon the manager for Etta James, Kenny Rankin and Tania Maria. I made […]
Is That a Super-PAC?
Used to be if you were a comic one of the guaran-dam-teed high-larious things you could do was run for president. Pat Paulsen, Lily Tomlin of the “Stop It Party†and Ron Paul have all done it. Now, thanks to Stephen Colbert, you can’t just run for president. No, now you have to have your […]
2011 – Looking Back, Forward, & Under The Bed
So much happened throughout 2011. I’m dizzy from it all but then again, I’m still trying to figure out how to record TV shows using my VCR. I taught all school year at UCLA and UC Santa Barbara—two classes per quarter. I usually teach one course a quarter. The thing about teaching college classes–you can’t […]
No Kissing at Midnight!
Dear Battleaxe, I am going to a New Years Party where there will be people I certainly don’t want to kiss at midnight—or any other time. Any suggestions? Dear Party Pooper, There are a number of things you can do, but let’s start with these: 1. Don’t go to the party 2. At 11:59 bite […]
Debt, Schmedt
One Saturday afternoon when I was maybe five or six, my Dad was reading the paper and I was watching some grim Dickens-ish movie on little our black and white GE console. A tattered, beaten down family was sent to a huge dark, foreboding end-of-the-line-for-you Debtors Prison. Under the big white wig, the judge who […]
Booty Calls and PDA’s
In my 61 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@lesbiangcemag.com. Dear Battleaxe, What ever happened to Booty Calls, do you think people are still doing them, and does it only happen at night? Just wondering… Dear Just Wondering, I think they are no longer […]
Et Cum Spirit Two Two Oh
Last Saturday night, the smell of overheating lamination machines wafted from Catholic Church basements in the US, Canada, UK and India. The next morning, parishioners lucky enough to attend churches not downsized by pedophilia payouts, consulted freshly plasticized pew cards for the new wording of their Mass. Rome had ordered up the change in a […]
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