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LESBIAN HUMOR  // Browsing posts in LESBIAN HUMOR

25 Oct Posted by in Kate Clinton | Comments Off on World Serious

World Serious

World Serious

I’ve had a major recurrence of my Bush Tourette Syndrome*. At its peak, it was debilitating. Once when I was screaming at then somehow President George Bush on TV, a friend’s three-year-old, terrified by my outburst and very very bad language, pleaded softly, “Please use your inside voice.” My doctors had warned me of a […]

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Best Coffee in San Francisco

Best Coffee in San Francisco

Cup of Joe, Java, Jamoke, Mud… Call it what you want, we all know it as coffee and whatever that may be, we all love to enjoy it. Why did coffee become something we do on the run?  Is it the caffeine? After going to Costa Rica and visiting a coffee plantation, I understand all […]

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I’m a Monkey’s Uncle

I’m a Monkey’s Uncle

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie is Curious George on steroids and a shot of Jack Daniels.  Since I was a little dykeling, I always wanted a chimpanzee as a pet so he could do my Saturday chores and then we could hang out in our tree house looking at Playboy. Carrying […]

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11 Aug Posted by in Kate Clinton | Comments Off on Who’s Sorry Now?

Who’s Sorry Now?

Who’s Sorry Now?

When some guesthouses in our little resort town have no room left at the inn, instead of hanging a tasteful “No Vacancy” sign, they hang a “Sorry” sign.  Sometimes the ‘sorry’ is in quotation marks. Are they not really sorry? Are they being ironic?  What is the translation for this hospitality term of art? “Sorry […]

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30 Jul Posted by in Chantal Carrere | Comments Off on The Sweetest Thing You’ll Ever Wear

The Sweetest Thing You’ll Ever Wear

The Sweetest Thing You’ll Ever Wear

In 2006 my girlfriend and I relocated to Boston MA. My first sighting was of a line around the block for a place that seemed pretty self explanatory…Johnny Cupcakes. I figured by the time I parked the car got in the horrendous line and stumbled in to the bake shop there would be no cupcakes […]

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20 Jul Posted by in Ask a Battle-axe | Comments Off on Twirling Nipples and Grunting at the Gym

Twirling Nipples and Grunting at the Gym

Twirling Nipples and Grunting at the Gym

In my 61 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@lesbiangcemag.com. Dear Battleaxe,  I’m always looking at porn at work. I know it is wrong but the thrill of getting caught adds to my excitement and makes my nipples twirl. Should I lock my office […]

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Chantal Carrere — Tits and a Head Paddling

Chantal Carrere — Tits and a Head Paddling

Hello bored and deviant people! The video attached is the freakshow you’ve been waiting for!!! What you are about to witness is Robin and I in search of a punch line on the Charles River in Boston, Massachusetts. Robin told me there was a mysterious Billy Goat McGruff blocking passage under the bridges we were […]

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28 Jun Posted by in Kate Clinton | Comments Off on New York State of Mind – Rights Not Rites

New York State of Mind – Rights Not Rites

New York State of Mind – Rights Not Rites

Congratulations to all who worked so hard and so long to bring Marriage Equality to the empiric state: those who stood vigil in Albany, those who lobbied the halls, those who changed their minds, those who wrote checks, those on whose shoulders this victory stands. I’m still in a NY pinch-me state of shock. First, […]

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25 May Posted by in Ask a Battle-axe | Comments Off on The Rapture and the Big “O”

The Rapture and the Big “O”

The Rapture and the Big “O”

Dear Battleaxe, May 21st 2011 came and went with no Rapture. The 21st was supposed to be Judgement Day. I really didn’t believe anything was going to happen but I did make sure my affairs were in order and I went to confession. What do you think happened? —Always prepared Dear Always Prepared, The only […]

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17 May Posted by in Kate Clinton | Comments Off on The Patriarchy is so Dada

The Patriarchy is so Dada

The Patriarchy is so Dada

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, he of the Madoff mane, alleged rapist and head of the International Monetary Fund – talk about branding! -  is not too big to jail. Tant pis. Wait, wait, there’s more. Arnold reveals he fathered a child ten years ago with a member of his household staff.  Charlie Sheen is devastated to be […]

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