When I first heard Elton John sing “You Gotta Love Someone†I remembered an incident of TMM (Temporary Moment of Maturity).  I’d been worrying about whether someone I cared for deeply reciprocated my feelings.  Then I realized that what really mattered the most, what would last forever with me, was that I’d let myself love […]
Recently I talked with two women, “Susan†and “Karen.â€Â They had just started dating a couple months before, and seemed quite in lust. They were glowing and giggling, until the issue of “trust†came up. Susan: I just wish Karen would trust me more. She just can’t let herself lean on me. She’s been hurt […]
Today I’m attending a fundraising event where lots of wonderful women will show up to support a good cause–and also, to cruise each other.  Most will put serious energy into looking good, and many will make the eye-contact-and-smiling connection that creates an opportunity for a conversation with a potential date. Then the fun stops.  What […]
Recently I talked with someone about participating in a “Happiness Group,†a program that’s very research-based and teaches behaviors and thinking patterns that have been shown to increase personal happiness.  Her response was illustrative. “I’ll try it, but what I really want is to meet someone to date!†That’s exactly what most women would say, […]
“Never pursue a distancer.†This was the maxim I learned in grad school couples’ therapy classes. It seemed like a no-brainer at the time. How could anyone keep going after someone who doesn’t want you? I would have more self-respect! Until I really fell in love with a lovely woman who was less in love […]
The Perfect Holiday Present for Your Lover: Your Presence! It’s that time of the year again. The alleged joy of the season is often overshadowed by stressful questions, like How/When/Where can I find the Perfect Gift for my lover? What if I think it’s perfect, and she doesn’t? What if I give her X, and […]
When I was a teenager a booklet mysteriously appeared on a book shelf in the family room. It was called, curiously enough,  What Teenagers Need To Know about Sex. I immediately sneaked it upstairs and read it from cover to cover. Then I sneaked it back onto the shelf. It took me years to realize […]
I used to think “wanting to meet someone†meant going to events and looking around, asking your friends to introduce you to single women, or participating in organizations that attract the kind of women you want to meet. Activities that let you actually see your target, note who her friends are, even talk with her. […]
When I ask women to rank order the most negative influences on their sexual relationships, negative body image almost always tops the list. They mean “feeling fat.â€Â True, some women worry about their breasts and hips and skin and other body parts, but by far the major self-criticism is about weight. One woman summed it […]
In my personal quest to affirm sexual intimacy for lesbian couples, I keep hearing “Why?â€Â If two women aren’t having sex, and both are okay with that, why is there a problem? Maybe sex just isn’t that important to them. Well, yes, if this were true, it would be true. There is no rule that […]
Hang on, it's going to be a wild ride!
Robin
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