“Self-regulation†often has a negative connotation. We think it means acting nice and controlled, keeping ourselves under wraps, not letting our real feelings show. How do we get to know the real person? And how does this relate to emotionally intelligent dating? Emotional self-regulation means the ability to recognize and manage emotions appropriately. Dating definitely […]
Apparently EQ is more important than IQ in career and life success. You may be smart enough to analyze anything, but if you don’t connect emotionally with anyone, you’re limited at work and in love.
However it comes about, first dates are fraught with uncertainty. What is one to do?
One complaint online daters have is “There are a lot of crazies out there!†Frankly, that’s a little unfair. The vast majority of women online are not crazy. They’re just like you, and they worry that you’re crazy too...
“Never pursue a distancer.†This was the maxim I learned in grad school couples’ therapy classes. It seemed like a no-brainer at the time. How could anyone keep going after someone who doesn’t want you? I would have more self-respect! Until I really fell in love with a lovely woman who was less in love […]
Being present, compassionate, and willing to let go, are key in mindful relationships. Recently I listened to a lovely talk about meditation, Â about paying attention to the present moment, practicing loving compassion, and letting go of thoughts that carry you away from your breath, or mantra, or wherever you focus when you meditate. Â This makes […]
“Never pursue a distancer.†This was the maxim I learned in grad school couples’ therapy classes. It seemed like a no-brainer at the time. How could anyone keep going after someone who doesn’t want you? I would have more self-respect! Until I really fell in love with a lovely woman who was less in love […]
I used to blame my tendency to be drawn to women who were vaguely disinterested in me on my first love, a boy I met just before college. Before I knew I was a lesbian, he was my Dawson’s Creek boyfriend, innocently hanging out together one summer, dealing with the drama of dysfunctional families, not […]
I am driving down the freeway during my lunch hour, leg propped up against the door, window down. It’s a beautiful afternoon. I should be having a coffee and walking along the beach, I think. I sigh, glancing over at my to do list for this hour: Target, Trader Joe’s, car wash. Glancing back at […]
Most of us have had the sad opportunity to reflect on how relationships fail. Whether you’re currently in a floundering relationship, or just ended one, or have been single forever because you’re afraid of failing again—at some point you ask yourself “How did we go wrong?†And, even more painfully, “How did I go wrong?†[…]
Hang on, it's going to be a wild ride!
Robin
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